I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
