please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
