thus making me awesome and them whores
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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