Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
