ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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