Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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