I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize