I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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