I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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