I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
