i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
