Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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