The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
