i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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