the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
