How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
