she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
