When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I stole a fireplace last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
