yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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