covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize