in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
