if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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