You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
