he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
