Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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