I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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