uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
