just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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