4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
