ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
