dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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