I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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