I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
