WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
