he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
They have beer where we have blood.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
