I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
