the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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