Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
