I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
