I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
