she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
