i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Alive.
So much puke
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
