I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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