The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
