1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
