Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
