You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
