Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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