her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
