then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
