I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
