he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
