How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
