hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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