I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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