we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
