i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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