I wanna bring you to show and tell
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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