i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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