Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
