I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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