Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
