sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize