I didn't shave. On purpose
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
