just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
