too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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