How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
