apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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