i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize