It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
