I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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