When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
