let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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