just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
