come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
